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The Lie We Tell Ourselves About "Someday"

I watched a short video recently where a young woman approached dGary Vaynerchuk after he had finished speaking. She smiled and said something that probably sounded very inspiring to everyone else around her. You're Somebody Now Video Clip

"I'll be somebody someday." 

Gary immediately interrupted her. *Pause* And if you were to pause the video here, you may even think, "uh rude." *Play*

"You're somebody now."

He continues to explain how he knew he was somebody before the world took notice of him. So if you're done reading, the take away I hope you get form this post is that your value isn't created by fame or your success. If you procrastinate or postpone your identity until some future achievement, you'll missing out on the life you're living today.

Buckle up if you plan on continuing to read my brain spew some thoughts on this. So I pose this question to my faithful 11 readers, "how many times have you made the same promise to yourself?" Maybe not in those exact words but did it sound like:
  • "Once I graduate..."
  • "Once I get that promotion..."
  • "Once I get financially stable..."
  • "Once I get married..."
  • "Once I have kids..."
  • "Once I make a certain salary..."
  • Once people recognize my work..."
Then -- I'll finally be somebody.

This is the lie I have quietly believed. It's more than blind ambition or delusions of grandeur, but it's an unintentional confusion of recognition with worth; achievement with identity; visibility with value. In my own life, as a teacher I thought I would matter once I became an administrator. A college student thinks life begins after graduation. A teenager thinks life begins after their graduation. A small business owner believes success begins with the first million dollars. Parents believe they will enjoy life when they get more rest, their kids grow up a bit, or even when they finally leave home. None -- and I'll say it again, none of these moments create worth. They are just changing circumstances.

Success doesn't make you somebody. Being an administrator was a change in circumstance and did not change who I was as a person. You don't just become a loving father the day your name is signed on a birth certificate. We are already on the path to becoming these people long before the world notices. That recognition is so often delayed. Character is built long before the applause.

I recently watched one of my favorite musical movies with the family, The Greatest Showman. As it's coming to an end, the main character, P.T. Barnum has finally achieved everything he once dreamed and then some. He's wealthy, famous, people know his name... he has finally become exactly the person he thought he needed to become.

And yet...

He's standing in the rubble and burnt ashes of his theater realizing he almost lost the people who mattered the most. As the song From Now On begins, there's a line that has always stood out to me.

"I saw the sun begin to dim..." It's in this moment of realization that somewhere along the way he confused success with significance. He looked and sought the applause and recognition from the crowds that he stopped hearing the laughter from his own family. Ah, the music is building...and now the turning point, "and we will come back home...home again!" We could say he's speaking literally, but let's be honest, it's deeper than that. Home isn't just a place, but it's a return to what truly mattered before the world started keeping score. It's not about rejecting the fame or his dream, but remembering why he even had them in the first place. Success was never supposed to replace his wife and daughters. Recognition wasn't supposed to replace his own identity. Achievement was never supposed to replace his joy. 

That's why Gary's response resonated so deeply with me. "You're somebody now." Not after a promotion, not after you get organized, not after you're famous and rich, but now. Now.

I can hear it now, "well Mark, that's all sunshine and rainbows, but my kids are driving me up the wall, I didn't sleep last night, and on and on..." You're right, it's not always easy to enjoy today when I'm just trying to survive. I hear you. I see you. I have been there. There will always be good and tough times. 

We, I'm talking to you millennials, have declared all out war on the ordinary day. Being a teacher, I do not actively work from June until mid-August. "Oh lucky you..." My retort is, "well wasn't becoming a teacher an option to you?" It's one of the perks of the job I guess. ANYWAYS, there are some days that are flat out boring. You can ask Amanda, I struggle with those days. Sitting and doing nothing = non productive = worthless and a waste. Breaking it down even more, just think when you're waiting at the pharmacy for 2 minutes, phone is out. I'm just as guilty as the next. But awareness is one of the first steps to change. Ordinary life doesn't have to be a waste. Sometimes just listening to Nari tell me an endless story that could have been told din two minutes is just moments in time.

There is that cruel irony of all of this. One day, you'll wish for these ordinary days again. You'll wish for the crafting mess on the table, messy kitchen after a baking escapade, a noisy family room, a house full of kids, the dog following you everywhere, because one day...they won't. We spend years just wishing these moments away only to spend decades wishing they would come back. For me, I couldn't wait for the kids to grow up enough to no longer need carseats in the car. I hated car seats. I already miss it. The kids are growing up so fast and there's no way to slow it down.

I want to clarify something. Those future dreams and ambitions matter. Growing as a person matters. There is nothing wrong with wanting more from this life. I believe the danger comes when phrases like, "I'll enjoy life when... or after..." It's even worse when the phrase becomes, "I'll postpone living until..." Life is truly the shortest years made up of the longest days. There isn't time to wait to become the person you are now.

As I wrap things up for the day, that and I need to run errands, I do believe Gary wasn't telling the woman to stop dreaming and hoping, but rather he was reminding her that dreams and future success do not determine her worth. Maybe success will come and maybe recognition will come. Then again, maybe it won't. Either way, none of that changes who you are already. Don't spend so much time worrying and trying to become somebody that you forget you've been somebody all along. So someday isn't where your life begins. It's just simply another day you'll hope you didn't waste getting there.

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