Failure...when we think of the word, we have a negative connotation. I think that we can also agree that we learn from our mistakes. This is an idea I am really trying to convey to my 6th graders this year. There seems to be such negativity that surrounds even the mere mention of the word "failure.""Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently." -Henry Ford
Sometimes when you fail, you just feel like laying down and bowing out. Life has a tendency to beat you while you're laying down. I think it's about time to stand up, and learn from my own failures. Recognition of my own failures, just even in the past week, have hopefully lead to improvement on all fronts.
The more I have failed during my short 33 years of life, I have come to a realization. I am at my happiest when I focus on what is going well in life and how I can learn from my many mistakes. I am beyond blessed and to focus on the negativity that surrounds us daily only leaves me on the ground longer.
Family. I always tell the kids that family is first. "Family first," is a daily heard phrase in my house. I am blessed to have a wonderful, strong, and helpful wife. Suzie is my rock. She has been there for me during difficult times. I do want to elaborate on one of my biggest failures in my adult life. To do this, I will need everyone to strap in for a quick blast back in the past...rewind the clock three years or so.
Don't worry, this story has a happy ending...
The year is 2013. I was sitting in my apartment just messing around. I doubt I was doing anything constructive when finally I figured..."I need to go back to school for my graduate degree." I figured, "why not?" I applied to Idaho State University's graduate program in Educational Leadership with an emphasis in administration. That's a lot of words to say, I needed the degree to have the ability to become a school principal one day. I knew I'd need to take the GRE, so I purchased a study guide. I opened it. I did just that...I opened it once. I looked at the first page and figured I'd try the test without studying. Passed. I couldn't believe it. I was officially accepted into the ISU graduate program and so the journey began.
This journey consisted of time after work spent driving to Pocatello, ID (approximately 45 miles away) at 6PM to get to my class that began at 7PM. Classes usually finished up by 10PM and I'd drive home. At this time, I was coaching cheerleading at Skyline, so my day would begin at 5AM. Grad school came and went. 36 credits and over 520 hours of internship later...I was nearing the end of the program. As I approached the end, the final class is a case study. It's worth a meager single credit. The course was based on writing a paper to respond to a provided case study. This was no little paper, but a capstone of the entire program. On average, so I was told, the paper would consist of approximately 50 pages not including any appendixes.
I was supposed to do my case study in the fall of 2015. After attending the mandatory meeting in Pocatello, I was armed with the case study (a fictitious tale of issues happening in a school). My task was to respond as if I were the building administrator based on current research of educational practices. I was to identify the main problem and two to three minor issues that I would recognize and address. 30 days...that's what I had to complete identifying the issues, planning, drafting, researching, revising, and finalizing the paper. 30 days... At the time, it seemed like quite a bit of time, but I knew I'd need to ration my time and use it wisely as I was still working full-time and coaching.
Two weeks later, I felt like I was on the right track. I had identified the main problem and sub problems and figured I was doing well on my action plan. One Saturday, I sat down for eight hours and pounded out the literature study, which is the research explanation behind my action plan. I still had a week to go before it was due. Confidence...if only I knew how misplaced that was...
I decided to take the day off from work to drive my final case study down to Pocatello to turn it in. Everything was made in triplicate. When a case study is received, there are three professors that will read, evaluate, and score based on the provided rubric. Two of those professors are from the educational department while one is from a separate, noneducational department. I walked into the building with this air of confidence. I knew that once I passed the written portion, I'd advance to the oral presentation of my action plan and literature study...then off to graduation. I had it in the bag, or so I thought.
Fast forward two weeks to October 30st, 2015. The results would be e-mailed to us some time that day. I remember that moment like it was yesterday (cliche I know). I was in the middle of my class Halloween party. I received a notification on my iPhone from Dr. Neill, the department head. I quickly opened it at my desk...
"Mark Hunsaker, we regret to inform you that after extensive review of your written work, it is our decision that you will not advance to the oral presentation. You may meet with Dr. Thomas and myself at an appointed time to review your paper and the rubric."
My heart dropped. I had missed the minimum required score to advance to the orals. There were three answers I could have received: Passing to orals with no required revisions to the written paper, passing to orals with required revisions to the written paper, fail. I had failed. In my adult life, I don't recall a time where I failed academically. Since returning home from Brazil, my study skills and motivation to do well in school had exponentially grown. I graduated BYU-I on the Dean's Honor Roll. I was also on the honor roll from my 3.7 GPA in the graduate program leading up to the case study. Nevertheless, I had just failed.
As I felt myself lose my composure, I stepped out of the room into the neighboring classroom, which was vacant. I called my dad. I told him I had failed my written case study and would not be advancing to the orals and would not be graduating in December as planned. I broken down and told him, I couldn't do it again. The month of researching, writing, and editing just was too much. I was a newly wed, a brand new step father of two, and trying to balance all that between a full-time job was just too much to bear. I couldn't do it again. My dad was understanding and assured me I could do it, I just didn't believe it at the time. When I say "do it again," I'm referring to the fact that I'd have to retake the case study, in which I'd be given a new case to write on and develop a researched based action plan. It was starting all over again. The pressure would be even more intense as the program only allows one retake of the case study. If a candidate fails the case study twice, they are asked to leave the program.
I set up an appointment to met with Dr. Neill and Dr. Thomas to go over where I went wrong. I drove to Pocatello and spent over an hour discussing my written work and where I misidentified, had poor evidence, blah blah blah. I was broken at this point. After a long discussion with Suzie, I decided to enroll in the case study again in January of 2016.
We had our mandatory meeting in February and again, I was provided a new study, same instructions, and 30 days to complete it. I knew I would need to do things differently then before if I wanted to be successful. I was determined to learn from my mistakes. I immediately met with other members from the same case study. We meet twice more to discuss the issues, proof read each others work, and critique and question the research. I would go in before school for several hours to write. I would stay after school and continue to write and revise. I worked on weekends. I would go to the library to research and work. It was a blur. Sleep, eat, work, write, sleep, repeat.
I took the day off again to hand deliver my paper. I turned it in, without any confidence this time. I waited the dreadful two weeks. Two other candidates received their acceptance to the orals on the same day. I had not heard back yet. I was beginning to panic. Finally, late that evening, I received an e-mail:
"Mark, Congratulations!"
I couldn't even begin to describe how happy I was. I had passed the most difficult portion of the case study. I prepared, presented, and defended my written action plan to a board of educators, principals, and professors. I remember that they took time to discuss if I should pass or fail the remainder of the case study and program. I was supposed to walk away from the doors down the hall while they discussed their decision. I did at first, but found myself not far from the doors as time passed. I remember over hearing one say, "are you sure he's ready?" My heart dropped a bit until another said, "I am sure."
I was called back in and told that I had passed the course and should prepare for graduation.
Looking back over this experience, I think of all the things that went wrong the first time. I guess, I could focus on the failure rather than the success. I could think how terrible it was to have to do the case study over again and how humiliating it was to tell people this story. But I find it not the case. I believe that I "suffered" through the case study twice to learn a valuable lesson. I learned something that no one can take from me.
I wasn't alone in this venture. I met and became friends with a man named John. It began with a lunch date where he built me back up. That small gesture of friendship has blossomed to something grand. My father supported me financial through my final attempt. My wife, Suzie, supported me by pushing me to finish, to not give up, and to give me time to study and write in quiet. I couldn't have done it without my family and friends. I learned that failure isn't the end, but rather the beginning to a new experience.
The more I have failed during my short 33 years of life, I have come to a realization. I am at my happiest when I focus on what is going well in life and how I can learn from my many mistakes. I am beyond blessed and to focus on the negativity that surrounds us daily only leaves me on the ground longer.
Family. I always tell the kids that family is first. "Family first," is a daily heard phrase in my house. I am blessed to have a wonderful, strong, and helpful wife. Suzie is my rock. She has been there for me during difficult times. I do want to elaborate on one of my biggest failures in my adult life. To do this, I will need everyone to strap in for a quick blast back in the past...rewind the clock three years or so.
Don't worry, this story has a happy ending...
The year is 2013. I was sitting in my apartment just messing around. I doubt I was doing anything constructive when finally I figured..."I need to go back to school for my graduate degree." I figured, "why not?" I applied to Idaho State University's graduate program in Educational Leadership with an emphasis in administration. That's a lot of words to say, I needed the degree to have the ability to become a school principal one day. I knew I'd need to take the GRE, so I purchased a study guide. I opened it. I did just that...I opened it once. I looked at the first page and figured I'd try the test without studying. Passed. I couldn't believe it. I was officially accepted into the ISU graduate program and so the journey began.
This journey consisted of time after work spent driving to Pocatello, ID (approximately 45 miles away) at 6PM to get to my class that began at 7PM. Classes usually finished up by 10PM and I'd drive home. At this time, I was coaching cheerleading at Skyline, so my day would begin at 5AM. Grad school came and went. 36 credits and over 520 hours of internship later...I was nearing the end of the program. As I approached the end, the final class is a case study. It's worth a meager single credit. The course was based on writing a paper to respond to a provided case study. This was no little paper, but a capstone of the entire program. On average, so I was told, the paper would consist of approximately 50 pages not including any appendixes.
I was supposed to do my case study in the fall of 2015. After attending the mandatory meeting in Pocatello, I was armed with the case study (a fictitious tale of issues happening in a school). My task was to respond as if I were the building administrator based on current research of educational practices. I was to identify the main problem and two to three minor issues that I would recognize and address. 30 days...that's what I had to complete identifying the issues, planning, drafting, researching, revising, and finalizing the paper. 30 days... At the time, it seemed like quite a bit of time, but I knew I'd need to ration my time and use it wisely as I was still working full-time and coaching.
Two weeks later, I felt like I was on the right track. I had identified the main problem and sub problems and figured I was doing well on my action plan. One Saturday, I sat down for eight hours and pounded out the literature study, which is the research explanation behind my action plan. I still had a week to go before it was due. Confidence...if only I knew how misplaced that was...
I decided to take the day off from work to drive my final case study down to Pocatello to turn it in. Everything was made in triplicate. When a case study is received, there are three professors that will read, evaluate, and score based on the provided rubric. Two of those professors are from the educational department while one is from a separate, noneducational department. I walked into the building with this air of confidence. I knew that once I passed the written portion, I'd advance to the oral presentation of my action plan and literature study...then off to graduation. I had it in the bag, or so I thought.
Fast forward two weeks to October 30st, 2015. The results would be e-mailed to us some time that day. I remember that moment like it was yesterday (cliche I know). I was in the middle of my class Halloween party. I received a notification on my iPhone from Dr. Neill, the department head. I quickly opened it at my desk...
"Mark Hunsaker, we regret to inform you that after extensive review of your written work, it is our decision that you will not advance to the oral presentation. You may meet with Dr. Thomas and myself at an appointed time to review your paper and the rubric."
My heart dropped. I had missed the minimum required score to advance to the orals. There were three answers I could have received: Passing to orals with no required revisions to the written paper, passing to orals with required revisions to the written paper, fail. I had failed. In my adult life, I don't recall a time where I failed academically. Since returning home from Brazil, my study skills and motivation to do well in school had exponentially grown. I graduated BYU-I on the Dean's Honor Roll. I was also on the honor roll from my 3.7 GPA in the graduate program leading up to the case study. Nevertheless, I had just failed.
As I felt myself lose my composure, I stepped out of the room into the neighboring classroom, which was vacant. I called my dad. I told him I had failed my written case study and would not be advancing to the orals and would not be graduating in December as planned. I broken down and told him, I couldn't do it again. The month of researching, writing, and editing just was too much. I was a newly wed, a brand new step father of two, and trying to balance all that between a full-time job was just too much to bear. I couldn't do it again. My dad was understanding and assured me I could do it, I just didn't believe it at the time. When I say "do it again," I'm referring to the fact that I'd have to retake the case study, in which I'd be given a new case to write on and develop a researched based action plan. It was starting all over again. The pressure would be even more intense as the program only allows one retake of the case study. If a candidate fails the case study twice, they are asked to leave the program.
I set up an appointment to met with Dr. Neill and Dr. Thomas to go over where I went wrong. I drove to Pocatello and spent over an hour discussing my written work and where I misidentified, had poor evidence, blah blah blah. I was broken at this point. After a long discussion with Suzie, I decided to enroll in the case study again in January of 2016.
We had our mandatory meeting in February and again, I was provided a new study, same instructions, and 30 days to complete it. I knew I would need to do things differently then before if I wanted to be successful. I was determined to learn from my mistakes. I immediately met with other members from the same case study. We meet twice more to discuss the issues, proof read each others work, and critique and question the research. I would go in before school for several hours to write. I would stay after school and continue to write and revise. I worked on weekends. I would go to the library to research and work. It was a blur. Sleep, eat, work, write, sleep, repeat.
I took the day off again to hand deliver my paper. I turned it in, without any confidence this time. I waited the dreadful two weeks. Two other candidates received their acceptance to the orals on the same day. I had not heard back yet. I was beginning to panic. Finally, late that evening, I received an e-mail:
"Mark, Congratulations!"
I couldn't even begin to describe how happy I was. I had passed the most difficult portion of the case study. I prepared, presented, and defended my written action plan to a board of educators, principals, and professors. I remember that they took time to discuss if I should pass or fail the remainder of the case study and program. I was supposed to walk away from the doors down the hall while they discussed their decision. I did at first, but found myself not far from the doors as time passed. I remember over hearing one say, "are you sure he's ready?" My heart dropped a bit until another said, "I am sure."I was called back in and told that I had passed the course and should prepare for graduation.
Looking back over this experience, I think of all the things that went wrong the first time. I guess, I could focus on the failure rather than the success. I could think how terrible it was to have to do the case study over again and how humiliating it was to tell people this story. But I find it not the case. I believe that I "suffered" through the case study twice to learn a valuable lesson. I learned something that no one can take from me.I wasn't alone in this venture. I met and became friends with a man named John. It began with a lunch date where he built me back up. That small gesture of friendship has blossomed to something grand. My father supported me financial through my final attempt. My wife, Suzie, supported me by pushing me to finish, to not give up, and to give me time to study and write in quiet. I couldn't have done it without my family and friends. I learned that failure isn't the end, but rather the beginning to a new experience.
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