Skip to main content

Step-Parent...hood?

Image result for daddy's home


Being a step parent is a lot like that...

If you're a step parent and you want a good laugh at yourself...go watch Daddy's Home. Being a parent is hard work. No one really can explain how difficult it is to be a parent. I always heard people say, "oh just wait until you're a parent," or "you don't understand until you have kids..." Cliche I thought...but I had no idea.

Not to toot on my own horn, but I feel like I'm a decent step parent. Sure I have my flaws, as my kids will tell you. And yes, I do call them my kids. To swing on this tangent, I call them my kids for a reason. I met Suzie when Kayden was only 2 and Rose was a mere month old. I have been in their life for the vast majority of it. I have been there when they were sick, fought through homework, patched up skinned knees, listened to fits, you get the idea right? I watched Rose take her first steps, taught Kayden to ride a bike, and seen so much joy in those two kids as they learn, explore, and discover the world around them. So in short, yes, I consider them mine and call them "my kids," because they are mine. I didn't create them, but I love them and care for them. I choose for them to be in my life. They are not an inconvenience or a burden, but rather a joy and a place to learn patience. Sometimes I need to be reminded to calm down and remember that they are growing.

I have had the unique opportunity to not only have two step-children but also have a child between Suzie and me. Nari Nancy is a blessing. I don't know how to describe how I feel about her, other than I love her more than anything. I was so worried I wouldn't know how to feel...but I do.

I know with her, as she grows older, there will be no doubt of who her father is. As an adopted child, I remember screaming at my parents, "you're not my real dad/mom." As a step-parent, I don't know if there is anything more hurtful that those words. I'm sure at some point, Kayden and Rose will use that one on me and it will crush my soul. Granted, as a teenager, do you really know what you're saying? There are SO MANY things I'd do differently if given the opportunity. But they say that hind sight is always 20/20.

There are many things that I want to improve upon. At times, it's overwhelming. Patience, slow to anger, remembering that children are still growing and developing, patience, and patience again...these are just a few of the things. One of the hardest is hearing about how much fun they had at their biological father's house. The temptation is real to put them in the reality of the adult world and how their biological is not all he's cracked up to be...but that's not my place. I won't be that bitter step-parent who has nothing but bitterness towards him. Because of his choices, I have two kiddos and a wonderful wife. My gain.

I'd love to talk to other step-parents out there...a very candid and honest conversation. I have questions that I believe only other step-parents could answer. So if you're reading this and you don't mind answering a few questions, especially if you've been one for a while now...I'd love to have your opinion and ear.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Right Swipe, Right Time.

As summer winds down, I find myself reflecting a bit. The last few years have been chaotic—leaving administration, finishing up at my old school, moving to a new one, frantically setting up a classroom, learning curriculum, just trying to get my footing—and before I knew it, summer was gone. But this year felt different. I officially survived 6th grade…again. Teachers get out about two weeks earlier than administrators, so when I checked out in early June—bam—it actually felt like summer this time. On top of that, Amanda and I moved in together back in February. Looking back at our timeline, it’s easy to see how some might say things moved fast. Maybe they did. But here’s the thing—I’ve learned to speak my truth a little louder. And the truth is simple: I don’t care what anyone thinks about the speed of it. We’re in our 40s. We know what we want. I’m happy. Freaking happy. I don’t think I’ve ever written out the saga of how I met Amanda. So here goes: It was not a dark and stormy night...
Post a Comment
Read more

As the Dust Settles

Usually these posts come from some inspirational reel, a song that hits a nerve, or an epiphany that sneaks up on me. Honestly, I haven’t had any of that lately. Right now, I’m just sitting here waiting for the potatoes to finish baking so I can make twice-baked potatoes. Call it the “calm” before the storm. In about five minutes I’ll be juggling soggy potato shells that feel like hot diapers, trying to scoop them out without destroying them, mixing butter and cream before piping it all back in. Then it’s the meat on the smoker—which should be simple if I can make it across the backyard minefield left by Ellie and Jasper. Of course, the backyard has zero shade this time of day, so I’ll be standing there in the blazing sun, breaking out in hives… still. Ah, the hives. They showed up right after Nari was born. Everything I read said they’d go away in a few years. Well, it’s been nine. I’ve tried everything. Nothing works. Another story for another time. Heartbreak though—that’s its own b...
Post a Comment
Read more

Seeing the Whole Deck

I was in the middle of a classic doom scroll when I stopped on a video that opened with  “Depression is a lie.” I remember thinking,  Okay… bold claim. You’ve got my attention. Instead of spiraling into platitudes, the guy explained his point using a simple magic trick. A deck of cards. Nothing fancy. So let’s put ourselves there. I’m standing in front of you, holding a plain deck of cards. I show you the top card — it’s face down. You can clearly see that. Based on everything you know about how card decks work, you naturally assume the other 51 cards are face down too. You don’t question it. Why would you? You’ve seen enough to fill in the rest. And that’s the point. While I’m talking, while I’m asking you to pick  any  card, I casually flip the deck in my hands. You don’t notice. There’s no reason to. I fan the cards out and every single one you see appears face down. You choose a card from somewhere in the middle — because of course that feels more random — and yo...
Post a Comment
Read more