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Time to Adjust

I am not a super emotional person as anyone can tell. I do have my outbursts of anger as do many people, although for the most part I would think of myself as relatively easy going. This last week, it has been a roller coaster of emotions. I don't really know what's change. I think it all begin with Nari. Don't get me wrong, I'm not blaming the poor girl, but I know she is missing something great.


Before we all jump to conclusions on what she's missing...first let me back track. It's been six years since my mom passed away due to cancer. "Time heals all wounds..." I know the cliche quite well. Time does not heal all wounds in the sense that I'll eventually not feel the sadness. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't miss her.

I wasn't always the perfect son and if I could go back in time, I'd definitely kick myself in the pants so much! But my mother did teach me some valuable lessons.

Getting back on topic regarding Nari and how this entire emotional week began...I was holding Nari and she was falling asleep. I suddenly became so sad that my mother wasn't there to hold her. I remember my mom holding my sisters's kids. When Kim had her kids, Mom would take several weeks and go help her around the house and with the kids. I have wonderful pictures of mom with Sara's first child. I know, I know..."insert Heavenly cliche"...putting that aside, Nari won't get to know the wonderful woman as a grandmother. The thoughts of, "it's not fair," and "maybe they knew each other before this life," all crossed my head. It was sadness knowing that Nari Nancy will never feel, the woman she's named after, her warm embrace.

Suzie has gotten me into watching Grey's Anatomy. Overall, it's not a bad show. Medically inaccurate at times...according to Suzie, but overall a decent drama. Granted, everything that could go wrong with this group of doctors, does in the end.

In the most recent episode, one of the doctors, Maggie, lost of her mother to breast cancer. She returns to work and people around her are questioning her ability to perform a surgery. She is removing a tumor from an unborn baby still inside the mother. Everything is going fine until the tumor is removed from the baby's heart. The baby begins to code and the other pediatric doctor is demanding to know what to do and yelling at Maggie to "DO SOMETHING." Maggie is just waiting, calmly, almost appearing to freeze. Then she says, in a perfect Grey's Anatomy metaphor:

"I hear you. My plan is to give her a minute. She just lost something huge, something that has been with her since day one. Her heart just needs to learn how to beat without that extra load. She just needs a little time to adjust."

I don't know why, but that particular line hit me so hard. When we lose something that has been with us since the beginning, it takes our hearts time to adjust to the loss. My mother's death did not hit me in the beginning. It was almost surreal. She passed away on August, and I returned to school within a week for the for the first day back to school with students. My heart didn't adjust in the beginning. Maybe now, it's finally beginning to adjust. So in essence, time does heal all wounds. Time allows the heart to beat on it's own. Time allows you to wake up each day with a renewed view of the world. Time allows you to push past your own trials and embrace the challenge of overcoming them. I just need time to adjust as do we all.


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